STD Awareness Month
April 14, 2008 | Leave a Comment
April is STD Awareness Month (this post is a little late).
In honor, here’s a video to learn how to put a condom on with your mouth.
Money and Quality
March 19, 2008 | 1 Comment
This is a great article about high-end escort work, like the Emperor’s Club agency. However, it really isn’t that different from mid-range escort work, or even from lower price ranges. The final dollar figure and the careers of some of the clients are different; otherwise everything else is a matter of intensity and degree.
Sex workers and clients have pretty much the same motivations regardless of the money spent. Sex workers all feel they’re offering a certain set of benefits and services, regardless of the money spent. Sex workers and clients all run the same social/legal/disease risk, regardless of the money spent.
I’m not saying all sex workers/clients are the same. Obviously not. But when we’re talking about human interaction – there is little change from one end of the spectrum to the other. Every sex worker – from a street worker up to a very high-end escort who charges thousands – feel they offer their clients attention, affection, entertainment, mental/emotional support and stress relief. The intensity varies, as does personal inclination, but the end result is that every sex worker wants their client to leave with the same good feelings and return to see her again. Money has no role in this essential part of sex work.
The amount of money spent seems to be the great titillation in the Spitzer scandal. Money is an aphrodisiac and who needs arousal more than a country on the brink of recession?
The more I find out about sex work from a range of sex workers, the more I realize all the issues are essentially the same – it’s a matter of degree. Money plays a role in marketing; it plays a big role in paying one’s bills. It does not play a role in the essence of sex work – the actual interaction between two people.
And money seems to be all the public is focused on.
Lili Von Shtupp
February 22, 2008 | Leave a Comment
This has nothing to with anything here, and yet…
Madeline Kahn has the funniest sex worker role I’ve ever seen in a movie. Her deliberately awful performance as Lili Von Shtupp in Blazing Saddles is great for a laugh without making fun of sex workers. It’s even richer if you’re feeling a little burned out.
You can see her memorably terrible singing on YouTube. Even better — sit down, make some popcorn and enjoy the whole movie. She’s in most of it.
Fight Syphilis With Marriage
December 19, 2007 | Leave a Comment
It’s not a comforting thought or one that medical science would agree with. Apparently Hitler believed it, enough that it became one of his plans. He also felt marriage would help fight prostitution. Little does he know!
Yet another example of how power-crazed rulers don’t understand sex or humanity. (Hitler was off the deep end more than most, but Bush has gotten into the marriage game too, though for different reasons than Hitler.)
Introducing “Fuck Lit”
October 9, 2007 | Leave a Comment
In the ongoing controversy over the UK TV show based on Belle de Jour’s book, plenty of words have been used (I plan on discussing several of the articles very soon). But this one in The Guardian got my attention.
It seems that The Internet Escort’s Handbook just another entry in the sad, sad world of sex workers writing about their experiences. Although I don’t consider the book to be literature in the strictest sense, that I’m a former sex worker writing about sex work apparently tags my efforts as “fuck lit” and not worthy of serious consideration. (Had Bunting actually read my book, she might’ve had more derogatory things to say.)
I’m certainly honored and excited to make it into The Guardian with so little effort on my part. I need the publicity help. But the argument…
Bunting believes the “happy hooker” is just a myth (mostly fueled by fuck lit). She has a problem realizing that prostitution, just like any industry, has a range of experiences. Much as I want to help stop a lot of the problems inherent in the business, it’s not going to completely happen. There will always be women who get taken advantage of and hurt (as with dating and marriage). The best any of us can do is work on harm reduction and helping those who are harmed.
Likewise, there will always be women who never have those experiences and are never touched by negativity in their job.
One extreme does not mean the other doesn’t exist, nor does it mean one set of experiences make the girl better or worse than any other girl. At least fuck lit writers are presenting a balanced view because every book that Bunting mentioned has a different slant, a different perspective.
That’s far more than Bunting offers.
Apparently “real” women’s voices are being drowned out by us fuck lit writers because at the end of the piece, Bunting calls for women to find their voice again.
Thanks for the invite, Bunting. My voice is right here.
Researching Escorts’ Boundaries
June 17, 2007 | Leave a Comment
I received a research request from a student in Illinois. She seems very nice and is researching a topic that I think is valuable, but one that doesn’t seem to be have been deeply studied academically. For details about the researcher and the study, continue reading.
Her name is Geri (Geraldine) Hendrix and you can find a quick profile of her here.
I’m passing along information about her and her research to anyone who might be interested. She does not know where I’m posting her request. Please contact her directly with any questions:
gera133@siu.edu
Yes, I’m going to interview with her, even though I’m retired (she’s making an exception!).
In her own words:
I am a sociology graduate student at Southern Illinois University Carbondale and am looking for volunteers to participate in a study regarding the lives and work experiences of escorts. To be an eligible participant you must currently work as an escort and be 18 years or older. I would like to include your insights in my research on escorts and only need about hour of your time.
My research is an exploration of escorts and boundary work. My research question is “what types of boundaries do escorts draw to differentiate themselves from others?” More specifically, I want to explore four dimensions of boundary work: (1) boundaries between escorts and clients, (2) boundaries between escorts and other escorts, (3) boundaries between escorts and non-escorts, and (4) legal and gender boundaries negotiated by escorts.
From her consent form:
The purpose of this study is to examine how escorts view their own lives and construct their identity. Particular attention will be paid to the process by which escorts differentiate themselves from others. The information gathered from my participation in this study may be presented in lectures, papers, and professional activities including publications. I understand that I will be allowed to see transcripts of my interview(s) before any publication and I may request a copy of any publication that might result.
I am 18 years or older and my participation in this study is completely voluntary. I agree to participate in this activity and know that my responses will be either recorded on audio tape or transcribed directly from internet exchanges (e.g. email and instant messaging services). I understand that the researcher will take all reasonable steps to protect my identity; however, I am aware that, as with any exchange of information via the internet, the researcher cannot guarantee total anonymity. I agree that Geraldine M. Hendrix-Sloan may quote me directly and that if she does so she will withhold all personally identifying information.
I understand that the initial interview process will last approximately 1-2 hours and I may be asked to participate in a follow-up interview. I further understand that I may withdraw from this study at any time and that I may refuse to answer any question at any time without penalty. Geraldine M. Hendrix-Sloan will conduct the interview and will subsequently transcribe all interviews. The original tape(s) and/or transcription will be stored in a locked file cabinet accessible only to the researcher, Geraldine M. Hendrix-Sloan, for a period of no more than three years after the completion of the study.
I understand that any and all reports, written or oral, based upon this research will be confidential and my name will not be listed or mentioned in any context. All questions regarding this project and my participation in it have been adequately answered. I have received a copy of this consent agreement with all necessary research and contact information.
This project has been reviewed and approved by the SIUC Human Subjects Committee. The Committee believes that the project procedures adequately safeguard the subject’s privacy, welfare, civil liberties, and rights. Questions concerning your rights as a participant in this project may be addressed to the Committee Chairperson, Office of Research Development and Administration, Southern Illinois University, Carbondale, IL 62901-4709. Phone (618) 453-4533. E-mail siuhsc@siu.edu
A Client’s Perspective: “The Unbearable Imbalance of To and Fro’…”
May 31, 2007 | Leave a Comment
In case you have ever wondered, as I have, what goes through your client’s head just before and just after your appointment, here’s a lyrical answer.
This gentleman was never a client of mine but contacted me because of my book. He sent me this post simply to share some of his feelings. With his permission, I’ve posted the link for a wider audience to enjoy.
I never gave much thought to the moments before an appointment, usually because I was mentally juggling a number of preparatory tasks myself. If I was seeing a returning client, I usually was reviewing my mental file on him and anticipating the moment. New clients always had more of an impromptu-theatre feeling.
But my thoughts after a client left were often like the ones he described. Never did a client leave without making some lingering impression. And I’m guessing I did the same for him. This is a business about human connection and interaction. We leave traces of memory with each other whether we want to or not.
Eros Schemeros
May 17, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“Advertise on Eros!” or “Get in the Eros Zine!” Great suggestions.
When I got serious about doing this book series, I knew the first and best place to advertise would be Eros-Guide.com. Naturally. I didn’t give it a second thought until my book was being printed and I was ready to start advertising.
Do your research. I say this all the time and sometimes have to relearn the lesson. Doing research well in advance usually prevents unpleasant surprises at the last minute.
Use Me to Make Money!
March 26, 2007 | Leave a Comment
I don’t know why I didn’t think about this before. If you believe in my book (or have even read it!), you can use Amazon to make a little money off of it.
Amazon has its own affiliate program, called Amazon Associates. You sign up and your information is between you and Amazon. It has nothing to do with your Amazon buyer’s profile. No one else can access your Associates info. After signing up, you pick the products you want to feature on your Web site or blog and Amazon gives you the code. Amazon sells a lot more than books, so you can make money off any number of things.
If you know your way around HTML, you can grab the essential part of the product’s hyperlink (example: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0978094409/, my book) then add your own special referrer code. It makes a fairly simple and direct hyperlink that you can use anywhere without any fuss. The ones Amazon provide for you are a bit messier.
Although their percentages on items can vary, I’ve been getting a $1 fee per sale of my own book (4.01%, according to them). I have somehow sold other things with higher referral fees through my Amazon link, like jewelry (no, it wasn’t for me!).
I know $1 doesn’t seem like a lot. I am working on my own affiliate plan (it was derailed last summer – long story) and it will be very generous to those who sell a lot of books. As far as I can tell, Amazon’s affiliate program is a flat rate, no matter how much your link sells. Still, for those who don’t mind helping me promote my book, you can join the Associates program, place a link on your site or blog or anywhere online and make a little money in the process.
Remember, you don’t have to just promote my book. You can pick anything Amazon sells and promote it with your affiliate code – including your own Wish List!
Happy selling!
If You Don’t Believe in Safer Sex (The Gum Game)
February 26, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Through Ms. Naughty’s blog, I found an article about a unique method used to teach the risks of sex. (I’m not interested in the debate over using this method in high school classrooms.)
My version of the game is simple and an excellent mental exercise. If you think safer sex guidelines are too inhibiting, try this:
Mentally picture all of your clients and the escorts they’ve seen in a room with you. A random person puts a piece of gum in their mouth, chews it for a few seconds, then hands it the next person. Do you think your clients would be eager to share that piece of gum with each other? After it’s been around the room, would you put it in your mouth and chew it?
If this grosses you out, then safer sex is for you. I cover a lot of guidelines in Book 1: The Foundation and have more references listed in the Resources.
If this doesn’t bother you; recognize that this exercise, when done in a classroom, scared school administrators so badly they wanted to test the participating teenagers for various STDs, mono and other diseases. Just from a piece of gum. It wasn’t like the kids were asked to give uncovered blowjobs, swallow, or have unprotected sex.
