Transitioning From Stripper to Escort Part 1 of 2
March 27, 2008 | Leave a Comment
This is a two-part series inspired by a couple conversations with strippers who want to try escort work.
What led me, a stripper, to try escort work?
I’ve been interested in all forms of sex work since a very young age. Lacking enough confidence and information to try working as an independent escort, I turned to stripping my last year in college. Stripping is a major confidence boost for some girls; it wasn’t for me. After becoming completely burned out, I had two options: start at the bottom in my chosen field or try escort work – something I was still curious about.
Since I had a friend who was an escort and she agreed to give me advice, I went for it. I knew that if I didn’t try it now, I would never have the courage to try it later in life. And besides, if it didn’t work out, only a handful of people would ever know. It would be a lesson learned.
So I began researching as much as I could in late 2001. There weren’t really any recent escort books at that time, but I spent a lot of time reading ASPD forums and was horrified. My mentor laughed and told me it was nothing like what was on the boards.
She was right. It wasn’t.
A Trial Weekend
When I finally decided to give it a go, she helped me plan for a weekend trip. We both understood it was a trial-run. She told me to try it in a city far from where I lived. I picked Washington, DC – where she was planning to tour and was far from Dallas.
Because of her trip, I knew the dates. I had about a week to plan everything. I forced my cell phone provider to remove my name from the phone so when I called anyone only my number would show up. I had my ex-boyfriend take quick snapshots in her beautiful bedroom (these ended up being some of my most popular pictures). I paid Eros for my ad and submitted my model release. I booked a plane, rental car and hotel where she was staying.
I was going to be in DC for 3 days. Long enough to decide if this was the right path for me.
I did not tell anyone not involved in the process. Why create unnecessary worry? I didn’t know how this would work out. After all, I’d spent the past four years dealing with drunk people in really noisy, dark places. Would this be worse? Better? Excruciating? Weird? How would I take care of myself? Was there any way for this to be safe or fun?
I was going to find out…
Part 2 details my first appointment.
Not Screening is Bad Advice
March 24, 2008 | Leave a Comment
In discussing the Spitzer scandal, Mistress Matisse advises men seeking paid companionship to seek independents. I think that’s the correct route as well. But then she advises clients to seek independents who don’t screen, those who simply go on their instincts.
She should know better. Every time I’ve heard of a girl getting arrested, it’s because she didn’t screen. No doubt girls who screen get arrested as well, but every instance I’ve come across doesn’t include screening. Girls who don’t screen are very easy pickings for police.
Why should this concern a client? Girls who have been arrested and are still working are a risk. They could be under surveillance; they could be providing information for a reduced sentence. A client wanting to avoid risk does not want someone who is at high risk for having a history of arrest.
And, of course, girls who don’t screen are easy targets for danger. This doesn’t pose much of a risk to clients, but it poses a huge risk to the girls themselves. It isn’t that screening prevents violence — it doesn’t. But it often gives a layer of protection: because the client is less likely to misbehave if he knows she has his personal, identifying information on her desk and someone with truly bad intentions probably isn’t willing to give out any information in the first place.
Alternatives to Submitting Screening Info
If you’re a client with the time to spare, meeting for coffee first is a great way to get around screening requirements (Matisse gives this tip as well). Of course, be willing to pay her rate for the amount of time you want to meet. She’s working around your needs and is spending time with you. Her landlord does not accept coffee or lunch in lieu of a rent payment. Pay her rate.
Be prepared to show ID. Don’t worry about this very much, though. Few people can remember the numbers of your license or passport. An escort examines ID to make sure that the picture looks like you, the birth date is accurate, the name is correct and that it’s a real ID. She’s not memorizing the number on the card.
Another option is to screen with a reputable, established escort in that town, then use her as a reference for everyone else you wish to see. Good escorts will provide client references. If she’s built a solid reputation in her town, other escorts will take her references. And, as a professional, she wants to keep her reputation. Your screening information will be safe with her.
One client who didn’t want to give screening information told me to Google his name. If he didn’t look like the pictures I found through Google, then he would leave at my request. He passed.
Clients: Do Your Homework
Of course, the real lesson in all this: do your homework. Instead of calling a girl at 3am with a 24/7 phone number and no Web site, take time to research all the escorts in your city and find the few who really appeal to you. See if they have blogs, if they post on discussion boards, if they have reviews. See how long their domain name has been registered. See if they’ve traded links with other reputable escorts. See if other people mention them and in what way.
Escorts who diligently screen might be a little more expensive than those who don’t. Paying for peace of mind may be worth it, depending on how seriously you consider an escort’s business methods vs. your own level of risk.
Trust
Screening is about trust. The escort has to trust she won’t be taken advantage of in any way and so does the client. The world being what it is, escorts stand to lose far more than the average client – including their lives.
An escort who is aware of the need for screening is probably more aware of other issues, like taking care of her health or keeping her incall secure. Established escorts who screen take care of their clients by default. An escort who simply operates on instinct…well, how much are you willing to bet she’s never had an off day?
Effects of Explicit Reviews
March 18, 2008 | Leave a Comment
In Book #2, I discuss reviews, especially the explicit ones favored by The Erotic Review (TER) and some other review sites. While they can be a boon for business, they can also be used against you as evidence to make a case for arrest (this has happened). If they are used against you as evidence, chances are they’ll be read in court, which could be embarrassing for most girls.
Yesterday, a whole new level of possible embarrassment opened up – getting your reviews read on Howard Stern. Apparently Kristen (of the Spitzer scandal) had TER reviews under another name. Howard got that information and read her reviews – the non-public part. He has an audience of over12 million.
I’m not saying to not allow reviews, though that is the path of most discretion. I am saying to think about your review choices. There are very explicit review sites and escort-friendly review sites. If you think you might be embarrassed or incriminated by very explicit reviews, then you may want to limit the sites where your reviews appear. Clients are usually willing to honor your politely-worded requests.
Lessons From Spitzer
March 12, 2008 | 1 Comment
Don’t Use Agencies
1. Don’t use agencies. Though he led authorities to the agency (they were not under investigation otherwise), the rest of the time agencies are busted because they are under investigation – which leads to client records.
2. Don’t use agencies. In the current legal climate of the US, agencies are charged with felonies: pandering, money laundering, tax evasion, violating federal trafficking laws. Because they are an agency these charges are easy to make, difficult to successfully fight.
3. Don’t use agencies. Good agencies that care about their employees’ well-being need to screen clients and this information is saved. It’s responsible — but again, it makes it easy to bring felony charges against them and easy to out clients. Though clients are rarely arrested in agency busts, they are often outed.
4. Don’t use agencies. Good agencies often attract college students or girls who are using this as temporary employment while starting a career. An agency bust often leads to the arrest and outing of its employees. If you have a favorite agency girl, encourage her to go independent (indie). It’s more hassle but may save her future career.
Independent Escorts
Independent escorts are the way to go. Currently, indies can only break local laws – no felonies involved. (There is the matter of crossing state lines for appointments, but I’m not going to go into detail there.) There is an amended trafficking bill (TVPA) that would make even indies into felons, but it hasn’t come up for vote yet.
Most indies who are arrested are thrown in jail, do their time/pay their fine and go on with their lives. Client records (if any) don’t seem to be important to police. Since most indies need to go back to escort work to pay off their fines and court costs, it’s in their best interests not to out their clients. Though police like to rack up the charges, an independent escort who has no illegal drugs and no business arrangements with anyone else is not a big deal (legally speaking).
Police do run stings for clients online; currently CraigsList is popular. Do homework on an escort: her reviews, discussion board postings, blog or anything else about her online. Having a history is a good thing.
Asking if she’s a cop will not get you a straight answer.
Being willing to pay a little more for her company if she’s a well-established escort may mean peace of mind. An escort with a good reputation wants to protect it because it means her livelihood.
And cautious escorts need to screen. Be aware of this need. (Undercover cops may screen but don’t really need to; if they’re going to sting you, they’re going to end up with all your personal info anyway.) Ask the indie what she does with your screening info (be prepared for her to keep it until after your appointment).
I expect clients and providers to become even more cautious after this. It’s ridiculous to have to play such games with the state over a private matter between consenting adults. Understand that the escort or agency is not your enemy.
Online Escorts
Though the US has become aware of CraigsList Erotic Services section, the Spitzer scandal is going to encourage law enforcement to target more online escort agencies. Already the media is in a frenzy discovering the online escort world beyond CraigsList. Though police certainly know about advertising malls and review/discussion boards, CraigsList offers easy pickings and has had the public’s attention. Now the public’s attention is going to broaden, which will have consequences for all.
Is escort work a “real” job?
February 27, 2008 | Leave a Comment
“…you’re a dreamer and can’t handle a real job.” (From an e-mail I once received.)
I never sent a reply and I blocked his e-mail address, but that strange condemnation has always stuck in my head. (I’ve never seen anything wrong with being a dreamer. After all, we’re the idea people in this world.)
He was one of many, many men who look at escorts, desire us, and can’t afford us. They get jealous; imagining the easy life we lead of having horny men just like them falling all over their feet just to hand us lots of cash. They don’t see this as a “real” job. Whatever a “real job” is supposed to be.
I wonder if that guy thought he had a real job.* Ever read Dilbert? Do you think he had a real job? Something definable, tangible; that he did something to produce results? What about trash collectors or migrant farm workers? I think they have very real jobs. I’m sure a lot of times they wish their jobs weren’t so damn real.
How real is it if you sit behind a desk all day, typing away, answering pointless e-mails, never quite sure of what you’re supposed to do and what exactly it is that your coworkers do? How real is it if you never see any result from the piles of paper you produce, other than a paycheck?
For instance, a lot of people think strippers are strippers because they can’t get work anywhere else. Stripping isn’t rocket science and neither is escort work, but you must know what you’re doing or you will fail in a really obvious way. There is no way to fake either of these “non-real” jobs. The whole adult industry is like that. It’s a very definite pass/fail world, no faking your way through it. Results are seen in dollars and it’s very easy to track the effects of your work.
So how real is a job where I am well paid, I set my own hours and parameters, I meet with clients, get instant feedback and when my clients leave my meetings, they are happy enough that the majority come back? Is this a “real” job? Am I accomplishing more than the average corporate slave? What if to produce a regular number of client meetings per week I work 40+ hours some weeks and 5 hours other weeks? Does time spent working indicate the “realness” of a job?
A former client of mine once mentioned that people don’t think he does a real job either. He’s self-employed builder/contractor. He’s in demand, produces solid work and makes a good living. Yet because he’s self-employed many of his critics think he’s not working a “real” job. Apparently anyone in America who doesn’t have corporate backing isn’t in a “real” job.
One might argue that “real” jobs are real only by how they affect the worker. I’ve read many job books which list the symptoms to look for when a job is going bad: depression, stress, anxiety, insomnia, weight gain or weight loss, anger, ulcers, hair loss, hatred, suicidal thoughts, and feeling trapped. These are pretty serious consequences of employment. (If employment were sold in stores, it would have a warning label on it.) And these books were merely discussing office work (i.e., “real” work), not adult work.
How did I feel working as an escort? Happy, satisfied, in control of my life, wealthy, healthy, at peace with myself, free, successful and I slept like a baby every night. How would I feel stuck in the office grind for a year? Probably much like the above list of negative effects. I had bad days every now and then, just like anyone, but I never had a long string of them.
The converse assumption of the “not a real job” argument is that escort work is a “fake” job. Let’s examine that for a moment. What might be the characteristics of a fake job?
- Not showing up for work? As an escort, if you miss an appointment, you don’t get paid. (If you require a deposit you must return it.)
- Accepting cash payments? So apparently, waitresses, hairdressers, defense attorneys and all sorts of service-people are in fake jobs. And every retailer in this country is apparently a “fake” store.
- Enjoying your work? Does this mean a “real” job must be one that makes you miserable?
- Not paying taxes? Just because someone doesn’t have taxes automatically removed from their paychecks doesn’t mean their job isn’t real. Plenty of non-escorts avoid taxes and plenty of escorts religiously pay taxes.
- Not having a boss? That’s a major perk of being an independent escort!
- Working on your own schedule? Ditto.
No matter what, escort work affects the escort — positively or negatively. Does that make the job more or less real? I think that makes it very real. The effects are immediate and personal. It doesn’t get more real than that. The meat of the job is my client and me. Nothing else.
For more reading on what the “real” job-world is like, try Franz Kafka. Escort work is very grounded by comparison.
*I don’t know what he did for a living. He didn’t bother to put that information in his e-mail and I wasn’t so concerned that I asked.
Using CraigsList For Business
February 25, 2008 | Leave a Comment
The high-profile arrest of the people running the HushHush agency in Charlotte, NC has provided the media with a never-ending stream of story ideas.
This story illustrates some important points, though. A reporter calls a girl who has an ad on CraigsList. She does not screen and offers details of the sexual services she provides, as well as operating under the mistaken impression that asking if the caller is a cop is some sort of protection. I don’t know where she got her business information – if there’s any place where she did get tips on how to work online.
This is part of the reason why police are working CraigsList so hard. It’s very easy pickings.
Don’t Ask if They’re an Officer
It’s not entrapment if they lie and tell you they’re not law enforcement when they are. Undercover officers are legally allowed to lie about whatever they want, especially the fact they’re a police officer. Don’t even bother asking the question. It shows you have no legal training and will probably give up your rights when arrested (at the very least, you probably don’t have a lawyer on call). And it provides you with no protection. None of your callers are going to be with law enforcement. Why? The ones who aren’t will say so, the ones who are will lie.
Many times officers have had sex before making a prostitution arrest. It’s despicable, but is generally excused as being part of their undercover assignment. The law is tilted in favor of law enforcement.
Don’t Talk About Sex and Money
If you’re an escort, you charge for time. If you’re a prostitute, you charge for particular sex acts. Nothing wrong with either one, except that current laws in the US criminalize those who charge for sex acts.
Yes, this is walking a very fine line, but that’s what lawyers are for. If you charge for time, it’s up to the arresting officer to make the case you were charging for sex. If you bluntly spell out what sexual acts you include in your rates – you’re charging for sex. That’s illegal. And it makes the officer’s job so much easier when you discuss what sort of illegal activities you’re willing to engage in for money.
Using acronyms or euphemisms (e.g., BBBJ, greek, etc.) is the same thing. Police know full well those words are directly tied to sexual activity. Unless you’re truly bi-lingual, saying you’ll speak French with your clients is not going to save you when you’re arrested or in trial.
Screen
Clients hate screening, even though it’s in their own best interests. Screening is not a guarantee, but it’s more likely to save you than not screening. Not screening at all is highly risky.
What do I mean by screening? You get personal, identifying information from your prospective client and then check it out to verify he is who he says he is. At the basic level, that’s what screening is. (A complete discussion on screening is planned for Book 3 but will occasionally be discussed here too.)
The first purpose it serves is safety. You’re trusting this man you’ve never met with your physical safety and your life. The least he can do is trust you with his real name and personal information. Requiring screening automatically rules out a lot of men who have bad intentions and don’t want to get “caught.” It’s certainly not worth it to have these men as clients.
The second purpose of screening, of course, is to avoid law enforcement. Though police will sometimes use false IDs (and with thorough screening this can be detected); more often they’ll just move onto someone else who doesn’t screen. Arresting sex workers is easy work and police like to make it even easier for themselves.
If the police are determined to arrest you, they will. You are always free to fight the charges and go to court. If they have no real case you because you only discussed how much you charge for time and never insinuated sex was being paid for; chances are the charges will not stick. You need a good lawyer. The best time to find one is before you’re arrested.
Of Course, There’s More
This is a simplistic look at the complex legal problems the current climate of criminalization causes. A lot of stress and problems would be alleviated by a drastic change in the laws. But this is the game right now. Learn to play it to your best advantage.
Cops Give Tips to Escort Clients
December 18, 2007 | 2 Comments
A Charlotte, NC news station warns clients about the dangers of screening. An escort service was busted a few weeks ago and police have been unraveling their records (and reporters have been writing breathless articles over the investigation).
This particular article focuses on the client records the agency kept. It seems the police feel it’s incriminating to clients and, of course, feel that clients submitting personal information isn’t in the clients’ best interests.
I have a real problem with this entire article.
If the police want to offer escort agencies tips on running their agencies, perhaps they should stop trying to arrest everyone involved. That would be a great start and I think everyone: agencies, escorts, clients — would be happier that way.
The police involved in this case are either stupid or playing dumb. Escorts require screening information to 1) make sure their client isn’t a cop and 2) for their own safety since the law doesn’t protect them in any way. Having a client’s real and personal information is the only safeguard escorts have against something bad happening. And if something does go wrong, the client can be arrested (hopefully). (Screening does not stop violence or theft, but it lessens the number of incidents.)
Printing propaganda like this just gives clients more ammunition in refusing to give screening info. Escorts have enough difficulties in getting screening information for their own safety. Having the police threaten clients doesn’t do anything to stop men from seeing escorts, it only make the job riskier for escorts. The client risk — which is always low — is even lower if they refuse to give screening information. The risk to escorts rises exponentially every time a client is allowed to see an escort without giving screening information.
Frankly, it doesn’t help clients either. If more escorts stop screening (because of client demand), more escorts are going to get arrested. Clients are far more at risk from an arrested escort than they are from one who diligently screens. (Arrested escorts often go back to work and may be supplying information or under surveillance.)
So I’m wondering if the police have decided to make life easier for themselves by trying to scare clients into demanding less screening, therefore making it easier to arrest escorts. If this is their goal, it’s not well thought-out. Escorts will be the ones to suffer from this idea; just as they’re already more often arrested than clients. And often brutalized by police.
Although this article tries to be fair, it basically sees clients as people with certain rights (even though they’re breaking the law as much as escorts are — if escorts are indeed breaking the law). Escorts and the agency in question seem to have no rights — perhaps because they’re not quite the same as “regular” people? This attitude also leads to major problems with escorts. Yesterday was the 5th Annual International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. A large part of this violence happens because sex workers are not seen as human beings.
Encouraging clients to refuse screening does not stop sexual exploitation or help escorts. As long as escort work remains criminalized, the only protection escorts have is in gathering client information and background checking. Remove that slim margin of protection…the cops are going to have a lot more to do than merely arrest agency owners and investigate their books.
End Violence Against Sex Workers
December 17, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Today is a day of awareness and memorial for sex workers around the world. Because of the illegal status of sex work and the low status of women in many countries, sex workers are a particular target of violence. (Transgendered sex workers face the same levels of violence as female sex workers.)
I don’t have any stats handy right now, but a large number of sex workers have been murdered through 2007 in the US and Canada. Most of these cases will never be solved. (Many other sex workers have simply disappeared and are presumed dead.) And every day sex workers are assaulted (sexually and violently). Their abusers have no fear of being brought to justice.
This is only the 5th Annual International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. But awareness of the issue is growing. We can’t actually hope to end violence against sex workers until we erase violence against all women, but at least we can make the world aware that sex workers are humans and deserve basic human rights. Their abuse or loss of life affects more than themselves.
It’s easy to join us. SWOP-East is hosting an online vigil and live discussion. Or, if you’d like to physically show your support, carry a red umbrella today or find an event near you.
Presentations at Desiree Alliance 2007 Conference
July 10, 2007 | Leave a Comment
I will be attending and presenting at the 2007 Desiree Alliance Conference in San Francisco next week. (Here’s the schedule with link to the speaker list.) I’m nervous and excited. This is a first for me.
Some parts of the conference are open to the general public, some are not. So if you’re curious and in the area, you might contact them about attending, even if you’re not involved in any part of the adult industry.
I will be presenting on privacy for escorts, issues of retirement and a general look at the Internet. Continue reading this post for briefs. The escort privacy speech is not open to the general public; the other two are.
The Conference is part of a week-long Sex Worker Fest. I’ll attend various events from July 17-21, so if you’d like to meet me – you can.
And, if case you haven’t seen, I’m offering a book discount next week. Details…
A Client’s Perspective: “The Unbearable Imbalance of To and Fro’…”
May 31, 2007 | Leave a Comment
In case you have ever wondered, as I have, what goes through your client’s head just before and just after your appointment, here’s a lyrical answer.
This gentleman was never a client of mine but contacted me because of my book. He sent me this post simply to share some of his feelings. With his permission, I’ve posted the link for a wider audience to enjoy.
I never gave much thought to the moments before an appointment, usually because I was mentally juggling a number of preparatory tasks myself. If I was seeing a returning client, I usually was reviewing my mental file on him and anticipating the moment. New clients always had more of an impromptu-theatre feeling.
But my thoughts after a client left were often like the ones he described. Never did a client leave without making some lingering impression. And I’m guessing I did the same for him. This is a business about human connection and interaction. We leave traces of memory with each other whether we want to or not.
