I read an online interview with an escort who proudly declared she had no boundaries with her clients.
Is she saying she’s perfectly okay giving a blowjob and swallowing? That she’s fine having condomless sex? Does she adore anal sex, especially without condoms? Should I assume she loves having pictures and videos made during her appointments? Or that she’s okay with being mentally or physically abused by clients? Or that she doesn’t mind clients scrawling her name and number on bathroom walls? Does “no boundaries” means she hangs out with clients without expecting compensation? Or that she brings clients into her own home? Introduces them into her social life? Or to her family? And she’s okay with clients becoming obsessive and stalking her?
I’m betting some of these things are no-nos for her, which means she has boundaries. (She doesn’t allow reviews, so there is a boundary-line already drawn.)
Boundaries have gotten a bad rap from hobbyists. They see it as something inconvenient, getting it the way of their fun. Boundaries are not bad things. They’re simply the line that you choose to draw between what’s acceptable to you and what isn’t. A boundary could be as simple as requiring any client with a sore throat or a cough to cancel with you (and you do the same for them). A boundary could be a little more complex, like requiring a meeting in a public place before meeting privately. Boundaries are what you decide will protect your mental/emotional/physical well-being. Nothing more.
Emotionally healthy people are aware of their limits and set boundaries in their personal and professional lives. How many office-workers refuse to answer e-mails on weekends? That’s a boundary. This line between personal and professional keeps them mentally healthy, which improves their lives all the way around.
How much more important is it for you to find and set your own boundaries in escort work? Because of its intimate, personal nature, it’s much easier for mental/emotional harm to happen here than an office job. Having a line that you and your clients do not cross creates a safe space for you to exist in. This decreases the chance of burnout. You’re a happy, stable, reliable escort and this makes your clients happy with you. This helps your business.
And your home life doesn’t suffer. You go home after every appointment feeling good about yourself and your life. There are no regrets, only the hope you see your client again. Your boundaries allow you to have meaningful personal relationships without a lot of drama. Your lover and your clients know your boundaries. There is security in knowing you’re taking care of yourself and won’t allow others to act in a way that causes you harm.
My own experience, both personally and professionally, has shown that men like knowing where my boundaries are. This doesn’t mean that they always like the boundaries, but they like knowing where the line is. This makes it easy to interact with me. Men like simple and easy. And, they respect someone who has a firm standard of behavior. If I said no to something, they knew I meant it and no one else got past that “no” either.
Creating boundaries for your well-being is a sane and healthy thing to do. Allowing others to push your limits (because you haven’t figured out your limits or don’t say “no”) leads to emotional problems. This is true with life in general; doubly true with escort work.
Your clients aren’t responsible for your safety and well-being. You are.
Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. Most men won’t have a clue they’re crossing a line unless you speak up. You would have to try really hard to make such an unreasonable boundary that a client will walk out (unless he’s a real jerk). Smart men realize that your boundaries are for you. An escort who takes care of herself is appealing, even if it means clients hear the word “no.” Most men are chivalrous, if given a chance.
For a further discussion on boundaries, including how to figure out where yours lie and what to do if yours are violated, read my first book for escorts.