My First-Ever Appointment Part 2 of 2
March 28, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Arriving
My afternoon arrival in DC was off to a bad start. My credit card expired on that day and the rental car company wouldn’t take a cash deposit. Being from Texas and not used to traveling, I was wary of the cost of taxis, but had no choice. I ran into the same problems when checking into the hotel, but they accepted cash.
I was unable to get a hold of my friend and had no idea if she was in DC as promised. I wasn’t getting any calls from my Eros ad (I only had a phone number posted, no e-mail was set up) and could not visually confirm if my ad was up since I didn’t have a laptop. I was in panic mode.
My friend came through. She was down the hall and around the corner from my room. She was simply very busy. She took a break and welcomed me while she ate dinner. We had no way of checking Eros but she went over screening and phone etiquette with me again. It helped calm me down.
My phone rang and it was a DC area code! I was so excited and nervous. I briefly talked to this man and he said he’d call later. I didn’t care; I’d made it through my first call and knew my ad was up. Now, of course, I worried it would be the only call I’d get all night. I had used up what I’d made at the club this week on the trip and was going to miss the weekend shifts. It was the end of the month too. This trip had put me into a serious financial bind. (Better planning might have alleviated the problem.)
Then I had another call. This guy sounded nice and he gave me his screening info. I took notes and then screened him via the phone as my friend listened in and gave some final pointers. He seemed good, so I called him back and we set up an appointment for that evening! It was an hour-long appointment (my minimum), which was mentally more than I could handle right then.
I was so nervous. She had more appointments, so I went back to my room and got things ready. I didn’t watch TV. I mostly paced. What was I going to do? What was going to happen? God lord, what if he took one look and walked back out the door? What are escorts supposed to look like? What are they supposed to do? My thoughts raced around and around.
The Appointment
He knocked on the door right on time. I was wearing some lingerie beneath a sheer robe that I wore in the club sometimes. Despite repeated dry-cleanings, it reeked of cigarettes. (That really didn’t create a great ambience.) It wasn’t until later that I realized being fully-dressed is much better.
He was a very tall, well-built man, possibly from the Middle-East (I know I asked, but I don’t recall his answer. I do remember his face.). He was so polite and very charming. He showed me two IDs when I asked. When I asked for my “gift” he laid the appropriate amount on the nightstand (a classic move). He sat in a chair and I sat on the bed. We chatted.
Asking for two forms of ID is fairly standard practice. I had read and re-read Working by Dolores French. She screened very thoroughly and her methods of screening are still useful today, only it’s much easier to do online. You can find a link to Working on my Sex Work Books list.
This was so much easier than the club! He was sober, the music on the radio was quiet so I didn’t have to shout and he wasn’t distracted by other women walking around. He seemed really happy to meet me and I enjoyed talking to him.
At what seemed like the right time, I rose from the bed as seductively as possible and untied my robe. I smiled and asked if he’d like to “get comfortable.” He got up from the chair and hugged me. I kissed him on the lips (he was really tall, so I was straining). He smelled nice, much better than my smoky robe.
He started to undress. I was already in my underwear but I kicked off my heels. We hugged again and lay down together on the bed, wrapped in each other’s arms and lightly kissing.
This wasn’t bad at all. It felt natural and very pleasant. I was still nervous about all sorts of things but he was very nice and that was reassuring. He was treating me far better than anyone I’d met in a club (not that I went this far with customers in the club). There was a definite sense that he was following my lead, which also helped reassure me.
This might have been moving a little fast for me — even in college — but it wasn’t anything I wasn’t willing to do. There was a sense of play I might have enjoyed if I weren’t so wound up. We were two people enjoying each other. Nothing unnatural about that.
We’d been slowly removing our underwear. Now he was completely naked, so I took one of my condoms and moved down on him. I could see him clearly in the light and his skin looked clean and unbroken. I sat on his thighs and fumbled with the condom wrapper. It was obvious I was not used to handling condom packages. That lack of experience made him smile. (I had just ended a long-term relationship, so not only was I not used to condoms, I wasn’t having much sex either.)
I finally got the condom on him for the blowjob (yes, I practice safer sex). It was unlubed and tasted horrible, like a balloon. It made me want to gag. I stopped with the blowjob and put a little lube on my palm to rub on the condom. I got on top (my least favorite position) and we began having sex.
It was actually exciting. I was so nervous I thought I wouldn’t enjoy anything, but my natural responses kicked in and we had fun. I think he had more fun than I did, but my declining relationship had been a lot worse. We rolled around until he had an orgasm. I cleaned him with a warm, wet towel and put the condom in the trash. I snuggled against him for some pillow talk.
He made all sorts of wonderful promises: calling every day I was in town, taking me on a trip to Miami, yachting…it all sounded grand. I was excited to think I’d charmed my first client that much. (It turns out some men simply get caught up in the moment.) He dressed. I kissed him before I opened the door.
Afterglow
He had a better clock in his head than I did. It was exactly an hour. It didn’t feel like it. At the beginning, I thought an hour was way too much time. Now that he was gone, an hour wasn’t long enough to really have fun!
I was grinning. I showered quickly and went over to see my friend. She was done for the night. I couldn’t stop raving about my first appointment. I was thrilled. It paid for my hotel stay with plenty left over. All in one stroke! There were lots of nights I didn’t make this much in a 7-hour shift at the club (one of the signs I had stripper burnout). I couldn’t believe how easy and natural it was for me, given that it paid so well. What was wrong with the world? This was the best-kept secret ever!
She and I laughed, ate snacks and watched a little TV. She was amused by my excitement. I couldn’t wait for the next day.
The Rest of the Trip
My phone rang off the hook. I couldn’t keep up with the volume. It seems the universe understood that I wanted more business and it complied. I had an even mix of one and two –hour appointments over the next two days. I scheduled as many appointments as I could rationally fit into the day. I was there to make money. I wasn’t concerned about building a business in DC, I wanted experience and to start feeling confident. I wanted notches on my belt (like college, but better).
There were a couple of missteps but nothing terribly serious (yes, I got ripped off – that’s another story with several other lessons). She went home the day before I did (she’d been there all week). I flew home by myself, glowing the whole way. The money I made not only paid for the trip and all associated expenses, it paid for the upcoming month’s bills too. One weekend of work and I didn’t have to do anything else right away if I didn’t want to.
I knew I was on the right path for me. This was the answer I’d been looking for. I couldn’t wait to put my ad up in Dallas and start my business for real.
The Transition
The transition had already happened. The formality was easy: the night after I got home, I cleaned out my locker at the club. Why waste my time dealing with drunk assholes? I could have fun with a variety of interesting men who were willing to pay me well for my time and attention. Instead of constant, crushing rejection, I got treated like a princess. There was no choice to be made, no agonizing decision.
The only difficult part of the transition was telling my mother. Since I showed my face in my ad and I was going to be working in Dallas, I knew I needed to tell her before someone else did. This is a whole other lesson in and of itself, though. Suffice to say, I told her before my Dallas ad went up, right after that weekend. It was hard. But I’m still her daughter.
Lessons Learned
I should’ve planned better and made sure I had enough to cover expenses — for the trial-run and regular living expenses. Putting myself in a desperate situation could’ve been real trouble if I hadn’t been successful or couldn’t handle the work.
Don’t do things last minute. Planning ahead for something new helps keep problems to a minimum. Expect surprises, though.
Screen.
Wear actual clothing. Keep the room on the cool side.
These first few times were for learning. It took time for me to figure out what did and did not work for me. Experience gave me my “style,” though I was learning up to the day I retired.
I put my hotel information on my cell phone voicemail because I was afraid of missing calls. Stupid move. There could’ve been worse consequences than simply having to take the phone off the hook due to constant ringing.
It’s good to have a friend. Especially if she’s nearby. We toured together a couple more times until she moved out of the area.
Screen.
She and I are two different people. We each run our business in the way that suits us best.
Don’t believe promises men make, but enjoy them anyway. Wild promises are a compliment.
If I wasn’t sure about escort work, I could’ve asked for no reviews and not shown my face in my photos. I don’t regret that I didn’t do that, but I might if I had decided escort work was not for me.
Screen.
Escort work is not difficult for an intelligent girl who is a good conversationalist. One-hour minimums are a good place to start, the time will fly by. Soon, a single hour will feel constraining.
Being comfortable with entertaining men (from stripping), made transitioning to escort work very easy – but then, escort work was right for me and stripping wasn’t.
Transitioning From Stripper to Escort Part 1 of 2
March 27, 2008 | Leave a Comment
This is a two-part series inspired by a couple conversations with strippers who want to try escort work.
What led me, a stripper, to try escort work?
I’ve been interested in all forms of sex work since a very young age. Lacking enough confidence and information to try working as an independent escort, I turned to stripping my last year in college. Stripping is a major confidence boost for some girls; it wasn’t for me. After becoming completely burned out, I had two options: start at the bottom in my chosen field or try escort work – something I was still curious about.
Since I had a friend who was an escort and she agreed to give me advice, I went for it. I knew that if I didn’t try it now, I would never have the courage to try it later in life. And besides, if it didn’t work out, only a handful of people would ever know. It would be a lesson learned.
So I began researching as much as I could in late 2001. There weren’t really any recent escort books at that time, but I spent a lot of time reading ASPD forums and was horrified. My mentor laughed and told me it was nothing like what was on the boards.
She was right. It wasn’t.
A Trial Weekend
When I finally decided to give it a go, she helped me plan for a weekend trip. We both understood it was a trial-run. She told me to try it in a city far from where I lived. I picked Washington, DC – where she was planning to tour and was far from Dallas.
Because of her trip, I knew the dates. I had about a week to plan everything. I forced my cell phone provider to remove my name from the phone so when I called anyone only my number would show up. I had my ex-boyfriend take quick snapshots in her beautiful bedroom (these ended up being some of my most popular pictures). I paid Eros for my ad and submitted my model release. I booked a plane, rental car and hotel where she was staying.
I was going to be in DC for 3 days. Long enough to decide if this was the right path for me.
I did not tell anyone not involved in the process. Why create unnecessary worry? I didn’t know how this would work out. After all, I’d spent the past four years dealing with drunk people in really noisy, dark places. Would this be worse? Better? Excruciating? Weird? How would I take care of myself? Was there any way for this to be safe or fun?
I was going to find out…
Part 2 details my first appointment.
Not Screening is Bad Advice
March 24, 2008 | Leave a Comment
In discussing the Spitzer scandal, Mistress Matisse advises men seeking paid companionship to seek independents. I think that’s the correct route as well. But then she advises clients to seek independents who don’t screen, those who simply go on their instincts.
She should know better. Every time I’ve heard of a girl getting arrested, it’s because she didn’t screen. No doubt girls who screen get arrested as well, but every instance I’ve come across doesn’t include screening. Girls who don’t screen are very easy pickings for police.
Why should this concern a client? Girls who have been arrested and are still working are a risk. They could be under surveillance; they could be providing information for a reduced sentence. A client wanting to avoid risk does not want someone who is at high risk for having a history of arrest.
And, of course, girls who don’t screen are easy targets for danger. This doesn’t pose much of a risk to clients, but it poses a huge risk to the girls themselves. It isn’t that screening prevents violence — it doesn’t. But it often gives a layer of protection: because the client is less likely to misbehave if he knows she has his personal, identifying information on her desk and someone with truly bad intentions probably isn’t willing to give out any information in the first place.
Alternatives to Submitting Screening Info
If you’re a client with the time to spare, meeting for coffee first is a great way to get around screening requirements (Matisse gives this tip as well). Of course, be willing to pay her rate for the amount of time you want to meet. She’s working around your needs and is spending time with you. Her landlord does not accept coffee or lunch in lieu of a rent payment. Pay her rate.
Be prepared to show ID. Don’t worry about this very much, though. Few people can remember the numbers of your license or passport. An escort examines ID to make sure that the picture looks like you, the birth date is accurate, the name is correct and that it’s a real ID. She’s not memorizing the number on the card.
Another option is to screen with a reputable, established escort in that town, then use her as a reference for everyone else you wish to see. Good escorts will provide client references. If she’s built a solid reputation in her town, other escorts will take her references. And, as a professional, she wants to keep her reputation. Your screening information will be safe with her.
One client who didn’t want to give screening information told me to Google his name. If he didn’t look like the pictures I found through Google, then he would leave at my request. He passed.
Clients: Do Your Homework
Of course, the real lesson in all this: do your homework. Instead of calling a girl at 3am with a 24/7 phone number and no Web site, take time to research all the escorts in your city and find the few who really appeal to you. See if they have blogs, if they post on discussion boards, if they have reviews. See how long their domain name has been registered. See if they’ve traded links with other reputable escorts. See if other people mention them and in what way.
Escorts who diligently screen might be a little more expensive than those who don’t. Paying for peace of mind may be worth it, depending on how seriously you consider an escort’s business methods vs. your own level of risk.
Trust
Screening is about trust. The escort has to trust she won’t be taken advantage of in any way and so does the client. The world being what it is, escorts stand to lose far more than the average client – including their lives.
An escort who is aware of the need for screening is probably more aware of other issues, like taking care of her health or keeping her incall secure. Established escorts who screen take care of their clients by default. An escort who simply operates on instinct…well, how much are you willing to bet she’s never had an off day?
Money and Quality
March 19, 2008 | Leave a Comment
This is a great article about high-end escort work, like the Emperor’s Club agency. However, it really isn’t that different from mid-range escort work, or even from lower price ranges. The final dollar figure and the careers of some of the clients are different; otherwise everything else is a matter of intensity and degree.
Sex workers and clients have pretty much the same motivations regardless of the money spent. Sex workers all feel they’re offering a certain set of benefits and services, regardless of the money spent. Sex workers and clients all run the same social/legal/disease risk, regardless of the money spent.
I’m not saying all sex workers/clients are the same. Obviously not. But when we’re talking about human interaction – there is little change from one end of the spectrum to the other. Every sex worker – from a street worker up to a very high-end escort who charges thousands – feel they offer their clients attention, affection, entertainment, mental/emotional support and stress relief. The intensity varies, as does personal inclination, but the end result is that every sex worker wants their client to leave with the same good feelings and return to see her again. Money has no role in this essential part of sex work.
The amount of money spent seems to be the great titillation in the Spitzer scandal. Money is an aphrodisiac and who needs arousal more than a country on the brink of recession?
The more I find out about sex work from a range of sex workers, the more I realize all the issues are essentially the same – it’s a matter of degree. Money plays a role in marketing; it plays a big role in paying one’s bills. It does not play a role in the essence of sex work – the actual interaction between two people.
And money seems to be all the public is focused on.
Effects of Explicit Reviews
March 18, 2008 | Leave a Comment
In Book #2, I discuss reviews, especially the explicit ones favored by The Erotic Review (TER) and some other review sites. While they can be a boon for business, they can also be used against you as evidence to make a case for arrest (this has happened). If they are used against you as evidence, chances are they’ll be read in court, which could be embarrassing for most girls.
Yesterday, a whole new level of possible embarrassment opened up – getting your reviews read on Howard Stern. Apparently Kristen (of the Spitzer scandal) had TER reviews under another name. Howard got that information and read her reviews – the non-public part. He has an audience of over12 million.
I’m not saying to not allow reviews, though that is the path of most discretion. I am saying to think about your review choices. There are very explicit review sites and escort-friendly review sites. If you think you might be embarrassed or incriminated by very explicit reviews, then you may want to limit the sites where your reviews appear. Clients are usually willing to honor your politely-worded requests.
Lessons From Spitzer
March 12, 2008 | 1 Comment
Don’t Use Agencies
1. Don’t use agencies. Though he led authorities to the agency (they were not under investigation otherwise), the rest of the time agencies are busted because they are under investigation – which leads to client records.
2. Don’t use agencies. In the current legal climate of the US, agencies are charged with felonies: pandering, money laundering, tax evasion, violating federal trafficking laws. Because they are an agency these charges are easy to make, difficult to successfully fight.
3. Don’t use agencies. Good agencies that care about their employees’ well-being need to screen clients and this information is saved. It’s responsible — but again, it makes it easy to bring felony charges against them and easy to out clients. Though clients are rarely arrested in agency busts, they are often outed.
4. Don’t use agencies. Good agencies often attract college students or girls who are using this as temporary employment while starting a career. An agency bust often leads to the arrest and outing of its employees. If you have a favorite agency girl, encourage her to go independent (indie). It’s more hassle but may save her future career.
Independent Escorts
Independent escorts are the way to go. Currently, indies can only break local laws – no felonies involved. (There is the matter of crossing state lines for appointments, but I’m not going to go into detail there.) There is an amended trafficking bill (TVPA) that would make even indies into felons, but it hasn’t come up for vote yet.
Most indies who are arrested are thrown in jail, do their time/pay their fine and go on with their lives. Client records (if any) don’t seem to be important to police. Since most indies need to go back to escort work to pay off their fines and court costs, it’s in their best interests not to out their clients. Though police like to rack up the charges, an independent escort who has no illegal drugs and no business arrangements with anyone else is not a big deal (legally speaking).
Police do run stings for clients online; currently CraigsList is popular. Do homework on an escort: her reviews, discussion board postings, blog or anything else about her online. Having a history is a good thing.
Asking if she’s a cop will not get you a straight answer.
Being willing to pay a little more for her company if she’s a well-established escort may mean peace of mind. An escort with a good reputation wants to protect it because it means her livelihood.
And cautious escorts need to screen. Be aware of this need. (Undercover cops may screen but don’t really need to; if they’re going to sting you, they’re going to end up with all your personal info anyway.) Ask the indie what she does with your screening info (be prepared for her to keep it until after your appointment).
I expect clients and providers to become even more cautious after this. It’s ridiculous to have to play such games with the state over a private matter between consenting adults. Understand that the escort or agency is not your enemy.
Online Escorts
Though the US has become aware of CraigsList Erotic Services section, the Spitzer scandal is going to encourage law enforcement to target more online escort agencies. Already the media is in a frenzy discovering the online escort world beyond CraigsList. Though police certainly know about advertising malls and review/discussion boards, CraigsList offers easy pickings and has had the public’s attention. Now the public’s attention is going to broaden, which will have consequences for all.
