Is escort work a “real” job?
February 27, 2008 | Leave a Comment
“…you’re a dreamer and can’t handle a real job.” (From an e-mail I once received.)
I never sent a reply and I blocked his e-mail address, but that strange condemnation has always stuck in my head. (I’ve never seen anything wrong with being a dreamer. After all, we’re the idea people in this world.)
He was one of many, many men who look at escorts, desire us, and can’t afford us. They get jealous; imagining the easy life we lead of having horny men just like them falling all over their feet just to hand us lots of cash. They don’t see this as a “real” job. Whatever a “real job” is supposed to be.
I wonder if that guy thought he had a real job.* Ever read Dilbert? Do you think he had a real job? Something definable, tangible; that he did something to produce results? What about trash collectors or migrant farm workers? I think they have very real jobs. I’m sure a lot of times they wish their jobs weren’t so damn real.
How real is it if you sit behind a desk all day, typing away, answering pointless e-mails, never quite sure of what you’re supposed to do and what exactly it is that your coworkers do? How real is it if you never see any result from the piles of paper you produce, other than a paycheck?
For instance, a lot of people think strippers are strippers because they can’t get work anywhere else. Stripping isn’t rocket science and neither is escort work, but you must know what you’re doing or you will fail in a really obvious way. There is no way to fake either of these “non-real” jobs. The whole adult industry is like that. It’s a very definite pass/fail world, no faking your way through it. Results are seen in dollars and it’s very easy to track the effects of your work.
So how real is a job where I am well paid, I set my own hours and parameters, I meet with clients, get instant feedback and when my clients leave my meetings, they are happy enough that the majority come back? Is this a “real” job? Am I accomplishing more than the average corporate slave? What if to produce a regular number of client meetings per week I work 40+ hours some weeks and 5 hours other weeks? Does time spent working indicate the “realness” of a job?
A former client of mine once mentioned that people don’t think he does a real job either. He’s self-employed builder/contractor. He’s in demand, produces solid work and makes a good living. Yet because he’s self-employed many of his critics think he’s not working a “real” job. Apparently anyone in America who doesn’t have corporate backing isn’t in a “real” job.
One might argue that “real” jobs are real only by how they affect the worker. I’ve read many job books which list the symptoms to look for when a job is going bad: depression, stress, anxiety, insomnia, weight gain or weight loss, anger, ulcers, hair loss, hatred, suicidal thoughts, and feeling trapped. These are pretty serious consequences of employment. (If employment were sold in stores, it would have a warning label on it.) And these books were merely discussing office work (i.e., “real” work), not adult work.
How did I feel working as an escort? Happy, satisfied, in control of my life, wealthy, healthy, at peace with myself, free, successful and I slept like a baby every night. How would I feel stuck in the office grind for a year? Probably much like the above list of negative effects. I had bad days every now and then, just like anyone, but I never had a long string of them.
The converse assumption of the “not a real job” argument is that escort work is a “fake” job. Let’s examine that for a moment. What might be the characteristics of a fake job?
- Not showing up for work? As an escort, if you miss an appointment, you don’t get paid. (If you require a deposit you must return it.)
- Accepting cash payments? So apparently, waitresses, hairdressers, defense attorneys and all sorts of service-people are in fake jobs. And every retailer in this country is apparently a “fake” store.
- Enjoying your work? Does this mean a “real” job must be one that makes you miserable?
- Not paying taxes? Just because someone doesn’t have taxes automatically removed from their paychecks doesn’t mean their job isn’t real. Plenty of non-escorts avoid taxes and plenty of escorts religiously pay taxes.
- Not having a boss? That’s a major perk of being an independent escort!
- Working on your own schedule? Ditto.
No matter what, escort work affects the escort — positively or negatively. Does that make the job more or less real? I think that makes it very real. The effects are immediate and personal. It doesn’t get more real than that. The meat of the job is my client and me. Nothing else.
For more reading on what the “real” job-world is like, try Franz Kafka. Escort work is very grounded by comparison.
*I don’t know what he did for a living. He didn’t bother to put that information in his e-mail and I wasn’t so concerned that I asked.
Using CraigsList For Business
February 25, 2008 | Leave a Comment
The high-profile arrest of the people running the HushHush agency in Charlotte, NC has provided the media with a never-ending stream of story ideas.
This story illustrates some important points, though. A reporter calls a girl who has an ad on CraigsList. She does not screen and offers details of the sexual services she provides, as well as operating under the mistaken impression that asking if the caller is a cop is some sort of protection. I don’t know where she got her business information – if there’s any place where she did get tips on how to work online.
This is part of the reason why police are working CraigsList so hard. It’s very easy pickings.
Don’t Ask if They’re an Officer
It’s not entrapment if they lie and tell you they’re not law enforcement when they are. Undercover officers are legally allowed to lie about whatever they want, especially the fact they’re a police officer. Don’t even bother asking the question. It shows you have no legal training and will probably give up your rights when arrested (at the very least, you probably don’t have a lawyer on call). And it provides you with no protection. None of your callers are going to be with law enforcement. Why? The ones who aren’t will say so, the ones who are will lie.
Many times officers have had sex before making a prostitution arrest. It’s despicable, but is generally excused as being part of their undercover assignment. The law is tilted in favor of law enforcement.
Don’t Talk About Sex and Money
If you’re an escort, you charge for time. If you’re a prostitute, you charge for particular sex acts. Nothing wrong with either one, except that current laws in the US criminalize those who charge for sex acts.
Yes, this is walking a very fine line, but that’s what lawyers are for. If you charge for time, it’s up to the arresting officer to make the case you were charging for sex. If you bluntly spell out what sexual acts you include in your rates – you’re charging for sex. That’s illegal. And it makes the officer’s job so much easier when you discuss what sort of illegal activities you’re willing to engage in for money.
Using acronyms or euphemisms (e.g., BBBJ, greek, etc.) is the same thing. Police know full well those words are directly tied to sexual activity. Unless you’re truly bi-lingual, saying you’ll speak French with your clients is not going to save you when you’re arrested or in trial.
Screen
Clients hate screening, even though it’s in their own best interests. Screening is not a guarantee, but it’s more likely to save you than not screening. Not screening at all is highly risky.
What do I mean by screening? You get personal, identifying information from your prospective client and then check it out to verify he is who he says he is. At the basic level, that’s what screening is. (A complete discussion on screening is planned for Book 3 but will occasionally be discussed here too.)
The first purpose it serves is safety. You’re trusting this man you’ve never met with your physical safety and your life. The least he can do is trust you with his real name and personal information. Requiring screening automatically rules out a lot of men who have bad intentions and don’t want to get “caught.” It’s certainly not worth it to have these men as clients.
The second purpose of screening, of course, is to avoid law enforcement. Though police will sometimes use false IDs (and with thorough screening this can be detected); more often they’ll just move onto someone else who doesn’t screen. Arresting sex workers is easy work and police like to make it even easier for themselves.
If the police are determined to arrest you, they will. You are always free to fight the charges and go to court. If they have no real case you because you only discussed how much you charge for time and never insinuated sex was being paid for; chances are the charges will not stick. You need a good lawyer. The best time to find one is before you’re arrested.
Of Course, There’s More
This is a simplistic look at the complex legal problems the current climate of criminalization causes. A lot of stress and problems would be alleviated by a drastic change in the laws. But this is the game right now. Learn to play it to your best advantage.
Lili Von Shtupp
February 22, 2008 | Leave a Comment
This has nothing to with anything here, and yet…
Madeline Kahn has the funniest sex worker role I’ve ever seen in a movie. Her deliberately awful performance as Lili Von Shtupp in Blazing Saddles is great for a laugh without making fun of sex workers. It’s even richer if you’re feeling a little burned out.
You can see her memorably terrible singing on YouTube. Even better — sit down, make some popcorn and enjoy the whole movie. She’s in most of it.
The Fife Ordinance
February 21, 2008 | Leave a Comment
The town of Fife, Washington (population: 7000), passed a law in December that outlaws using the Internet (or pagers, cell phones and telephones) for the purposes of prostitution.
While this law seems mostly aimed at CraigsList (since that’s mostly what everyone is aware of), it still applies to the whole Internet — at least for Fife residents. It does make one wonder just how many sex workers there are in a town of 7000. One hundred? A thousand? Several thousand?
I feel this is the beginning of a disturbing trend. Last fall, many newspapers and weekly magazines stopped allowing adult ads. Fife may well start a trend other cities will follow. The effect will not be one of stopping a “problem”; rather it will drive people even further underground and into danger. We’ve seen that again and again with street sex workers when cities decided to “clean up.” Marginalizing and criminalizing does nothing but put the workers in harm’s way.
Not that anyone cares.
Reporters Experiment With CraigsList
February 20, 2008 | 1 Comment
Due to the huge amount of media attention that CraigsList has drawn over the past year, a news team decided to try their own experiment. The stunt was to post a “casual encounters” ad of a women looking for no-strings fun. The reporters were astonished when men replied to the ad. Even more disturbing, a lot of the men were actually sounded nice and were looking for a relationship! Imagine that! Looking for a relationship online.
Then they posted a fake escort ad in the “erotic services” section, with and without a picture. Not surprisingly, they got a response. (A lot of responses wanted uncovered blowjobs, also not a surprise.)
What does all this prove?
- The media are desperate for as much attention as women posting on CraigsList.
- Men are looking for sex, both paid and unpaid, on CraigsList. (Then again, men look for sex in men’s bathrooms too.)
- Men responding to escort ads and asking about specific sex acts are not discreet or smart. Girls who respond to these guys are neither as well.
- No one seemed to be harmed in the experiment, except perhaps the men who never heard back from someone they hoped would contact them. Sort of exploitative of the reporters, isn’t it?
