Excerpt: Section I Myths and Definitions
What Escort Work Is and What It Isn’t
This is the HTML-excerpt from The Internet Escort’s Handbook Book 1: The Foundation from pages 11-18. Copyright (c) 2006 Amanda Brooks, all rights reserved. A PDF version is available for your printing needs.
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“Escort” is a job about which there are many misconceptions. I will try to correct some common misconceptions and give you an idea of what it’s really like to be an escort.
Misconception #1: “Escort” is just another word for “prostitute.”
Honestly: No. If you are selling your time, undivided attention, and the (unspoken) offer of sexual entertainment, you’re an escort. If you’re selling a specific sexual activity for a certain amount of money, you’re a prostitute. If you won’t have sex with the man you’re dating unless he buys you an expensive dinner, you’re a (relatively cheap) prostitute.
There are plenty of men who see escorts only for the sex involved and plenty of escorts who openly offer a menu of sexual activities, which borders on plain old prostitution. And there are plenty of men who value the nonsexual activities an escort offers and plenty of escorts who can offer a great time fully dressed, which is what an escort is. You decide your place on the spectrum of possible experiences.
Misconception #2: Escort work is all about sex.
Honestly: No. If you run your business as a business, most of your time will be spent on administrative tasks; answering e-mails, answering/returning phone calls, and advertising/Web site upkeep. Most escorts don’t have men lined up around the clock. An hourly escort might have as many appointments as she can fit into her day or as few as one. An escort who has a multi-hour minimum might top out at one appointment per day, or as little as one appointment per week. (Ultra high-end escorts with multi-day minimums might only desire one appointment a month.)
In my experience, most of the actual sex during my appointments lasted a maximum of fifteen minutes. Obviously, some men lasted much longer, or there was extended foreplay; some men lasted only minutes with lots of cuddle time. There were also many men who desired attention instead of sex. Yes, you will probably have more sex than you normally would, especially if you go the hourly route. But having sex will be the least time-consuming activity in your business.
Misconception #3: I will have to do whatever the guy pays me to do.
Honestly: No. If you present yourself well and have firm boundaries, your clients will recognize that you are a fellow human and have a right to refuse anything that makes you uncomfortable. Yes, they have a right to take their business elsewhere and that’s fine. You will have plenty of clients who have no problem understanding that they pay for your time, not for the right to demand that you do X, Y, and Z.
Misconception #4: I will have to get involved with drugs.
Honestly: No. If you work as an independent, the only people you ever have to see are your clients. Hopefully you will screen well enough that you won’t have to deal with a drug-using client. Just becoming an escort does not automatically mean you have to start using drugs, smoking, drinking excessively, modifying your body, or anything else you wouldn’t normally do. Nor does it mean you must seek out new friends who do those things.
Yes, you will be offered all of the above, and lots of other “opportunities,” such as appearing in porn films. If you’re not interested, just say no. It’s really that simple. If you feel you can’t handle the job and must alter your mind in order to work, then you need to quit the business immediately and go do something else, even if that involves a minimum wage job. There’s no reason for you to stay in this business if it harms you in some way. The money is really not worth it, no matter what you may think.
Misconception #5: Guys won’t want me to use condoms.
Honestly: That’s true. No matter how much they pay for your time, a certain type of guy will always want to take off the condom. It is true that circumcised, heterosexual, non-needle-using men have a low rate of AIDS infection. It is true that they generally have a lower rate of infection with other STDs as well. And it is also true that they are great carriers of all diseases, including some strains of HPV (the virus that causes genital warts) that only affect women and can cause cervical cancer.
Although I will discuss disease and prevention at length in Section III, do remember that just because he’s relatively safe from you does not mean you are safe from him. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Smart guys are aware of all this and will want to use condoms. Always use condoms and don’t allow any argument to the contrary. What good is having created a nest egg if you have to spend it all on medicine just to help you struggle through each day of your newly-shortened life?
Misconception #6: My clients will be the sort of men I wouldn’t touch in real life.
Honestly: Sometimes. Usually, though, it’s because they’re married or older than what you consider datable. If you present yourself well, actively screen, and are truly cut out for this kind of work, you will rarely end up with a client you find repulsive. There are certainly unattractive men who contact escorts, and there are some great-looking men who contact escorts. You have to be able to look beyond the physical to the person inside. For both the client and the escort-personality counts. You won’t be in this business long before you realize that you’d much rather spend time with a nice, very ordinary looking man instead of a pretty jerk.
Misconception #7: The fact that I’m even considering this job must mean I am emotionally damaged.
Honestly: Only you can answer that one. Just because women in the adult industry get a bad rap as being products of childhood abuse and other emotional trauma doesn’t mean that you must be a mess to want to try this work. Statistically, one in three women will be sexually abused/molested before the age of eighteen. This means any field where women are the dominant workforce will have a high number of abused women. Because it’s so easy to enter the adult industry, many women with serious emotional problems choose this field and act out because they probably can’t hold down a job elsewhere. They are squeaky wheels that get all the attention, but they are not the only type of women who are attracted to this industry. Many women enter the industry to make money, because they see it as an adventure, or because they have always been drawn to it. Wanting to be an escort is not a sign that you are a flawed human.
Misconception #8: All escorts are dumb.
Honestly: No. Quite a number of women in this business are college-educated, some even hold graduate degrees. Generally, the more educated the escort, the higher her rate. Why not? She has the smarts and the confidence to take advantage of the market. She knows that good clients are wildly attracted to intelligent, sexy women. This is not a business where you get ahead by playing dumb. Even escorts who can’t write an error-free sentence try to appear more educated than they are. Almost all escorts recognize that this is a business where female intelligence is rewarded.
Misconception #9: I have to be blonde and have big boobs, or be model-thin, to make money.
Honestly: No. While it would certainly help you get started, lots of successful escorts, including some high-end girls, are natural-breasted brunettes. Big boobs matter quite a bit if you’re a stripper. They matter far less for an escort. Your clients are paying for you, the total package, not simply a pair of mammaries in their face. Most men really like lovely, natural breasts as opposed to hard lumps under the skin. Even if you think yours are too small, men will like them. Men are hard-wired to like real breasts, and they do.
Men like real women with feminine shapes. Hips are never out of fashion when it comes to men and sex. It is true: physically fit women are the most popular. Very overweight women have a much harder time in the business, but that doesn’t mean they have no market at all. Size does matter, but not as much as it does in a fashion magazine. I discuss your appearance in more detail in Section II.
Misconception #10: This isn’t a “real” job.
Honestly: Yes, it is. If you treat this as a business, you will quickly discover that it can be as time consuming as any home-based business. Part-time or full-time is up to you, but it will eat up your time. Most of these “not a real job” comments come from people (usually men) who are jealous of what they see as easy money. You will discover that it is not easy money. It can be fast, it can be good, but it is rarely easy.
Escort work, like any job in the adult industry, is a very real job. The adult industry is a pass or fail world. There is no faking your way through it. You either are present, doing your job, or you aren’t. If you aren’t there, you aren’t getting paid. This job is extremely real and will have serious effects on your life, one way or another. Just because other people won’t see the inside of it like you will does not lessen the realities of the work.
Reality is not a bad thing. Don’t expect anything less going into this. You will get an unpleasant surprise if you do. On the other hand, you are the real boss of this real job. You decide what does and doesn’t happen. People in corporate America would probably kill for this kind of job-related freedom. The quality of your experiences in this industry are directly related to how you approach the work. Safe and sane will get you somewhere. Anything else will end up causing you harm, one way or another.